Favoritism: A Leadership Reality We Can’t Ignore

Let’s address something we all know exists but rarely want to talk about: favoritism. It’s the elephant in the room in leadership conversations. No matter how hard we try to be objective or fair, favoritism has a way of sneaking into workplaces. The question isn’t whether favoritism exists; it’s how we, as leaders, choose to handle it.

I’m not here to sugarcoat it. Favoritism will always exist in some form. People naturally connect more with certain individuals based on shared values, work styles, or even personalities. Pretending this doesn’t happen only sweeps the issue under the rug.

But here’s the kicker: favoritism doesn’t have to undermine your leadership. If managed thoughtfully, it can be an opportunity to strengthen trust, accountability, and team dynamics.

The Fine Line Between Favoritism and Fairness

Favoritism becomes toxic when it erodes fairness. Teams notice when certain individuals get good assignments, recognition, or opportunities, If those decisions aren’t grounded in merit, resentment starts brewing.

The key is transparency. If someone gets a high-profile project or a well-deserved shoutout, make it clear why. Spell out their contributions and explain how their performance earned that recognition. When decisions are backed by merit and communicated openly, it transforms perceptions of favoritism into examples of excellence.

Connection vs. Cliques

It’s human nature to connect more deeply with some people than others. Maybe it’s the colleague who shares your sense of humor or the team member whose work style complements yours perfectly. These connections are natural and often make work more enjoyable.

But here’s the challenge. Leaders can’t afford to let those natural connections turn into exclusive cliques. When you spend more time with certain team members, it’s easy for others to feel left out or overlooked — even if that’s not your intention.

Combat this by consciously creating moments to connect with everyone. Rotate your one-on-one meetings, actively seek input from quieter team members, and show equal interest in everyone’s growth. Balance is everything.

The Leadership Reality Check

Let’s face it: no leader is completely immune to favoritism. However the best leaders know it, acknowledge its presence, and actively work to mitigate its impact. Here’s how:

1. Audit your behavior. Regularly reflect on how you distribute your time, resources, and recognition for each individual in your team.
2. Listen to your team. Create an environment where feedback flows freely, and you’re willing to hear if favoritism is becoming a concern.
3. Double down on fairness. Make merit the backbone of every decision, and ensure your processes for promotions, assignments, and rewards are crystal clear.

Turning Favoritism Into Fuel

Here’s the truth: favoritism doesn’t have to be a dirty word. When rooted in mutual respect, shared values, and earned trust, those natural connections can inspire others. But it’s on you as a leader to ensure those connections don’t come at the expense of the team.

The goal isn’t to eliminate favoritism. It’s to lead in a way that ensures everyone feels valued, seen, and fairly treated. Navigating these grey areas with intention, and how you handle favoritism will define the trust and respect your team has for you.

Let’s face these realities head-on, using them as opportunities to grow and strengthen the bonds within our teams. That’s where true leadership shines.